Am I Truly Lucky?
by BobSince1934
Summary: Yulia and Lena both cut themselves. What will happen about that when they fall in love? tatu fanfic. refrences to cutting, femmeslash, don't like don't read.
1. Chapter 1

_Ring … ring_

I glanced over to the bedside table where my cell phone sat. I picked it up and checked the caller ID.

_Svetlana_

I smiled to myself, happy I was getting a call from the love of my life.

I flipped open the phone and brought it to my ear. "Hey babe,"

I heard her sigh on the other end of the line. "Hey, Yuls,"

"Are we still on for our movie tonight?" I asked her, "I was thinking we could go downtown and see that new horror film what's it called, uh..." I struggled to think of the name.

"You mean 'One Missed Call'?"

I smiled again, recognizing the name. "Yeah, that one. How about I come get you at 7? We could go grab a bite to eat, and then we'll be able to make it in time for the 8:30 sh-"

"Yul," She cut me off, and I heard her sigh on the other end of the line, "We aren't going to see that movie tonight. We need to talk."

My smile quickly faded. '_We need to talk' _Whenever I heard that sentence escape from her mouth I got depressed. Good news never followed those four words.

I chose to ignore the last sentence and just continued our conversation where we left off at, "If you don't want to see that movie we can go see something else. I mean-"

"Yul," She cut me off again, "Stop avoiding the conversation. We need to talk."

I exhaled, defeated. "Okay... What's up?"

"Yul," another sigh. Her sighing so much wasn't a good sign either. "I'm sorry but, I don't think that this is working out very well. Us. Face it, it's just not meant to be."

_You didn't hear her right, _I convinced myself, _you didn't hear her right. _"What?"

"Yulia, it's over."

I panicked. "No it can't be. I love you Svet, more than anything. It can't be over."

"I'm sorry."

"Why?" I sobbed

"There's someone else."

"But I love you," I pleaded, "Please, don't end it."

"I'm sorry. I love _her_."

I heard the click and the beeping soon followed. She had hung up on me. The person I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The woman I had planned to grown old with, have kids with, die with. Someone I had planned my entire future around. She had hung up on me and I'd probably never hear from her again.

I dropped the phone and collapsed onto my bed, the tears rolling down my face. I held my face in my hands and sobbed for what seemed like hours but was probably only a few minutes.

I wiped my hands on my jeans and wiped the tears off my face with my sleeve while still silently sobbing.

I sat there not knowing what to do next and replaying our conversation in my mind over and over again. I immediately broke out in tears again. I thought of my therapist's advice on what to do in situations like this when I get upset.

_Just cry it out and go talk to someone about it. You'll feel much better afterwards._

I did cry it out, but the only person I could talk to was Svetlana and this time she was the problem. There wasn't anyone I could turn to. I hated my parents, I didn't have any siblings, and I had no friends.

_Trust me you'll feel much better after talking about it then you will if you continue cutting yourself to solve the problem._

That's what I used to do; cut myself. That was until I had met Svetlana and started seeing Dr. Morty. They had helped me break the habit. Dr Moty had shown me other ways to 'express myself' as he called it, and Svetlana had made me so happy that I had no reason to be depressed. But the temptation to go back to cutting was strong once again.

"_It always helped before; it'll help now." _I told myself in my head.

I resisted at first but the impulse was too strong. I reached into my bedside drawer where I kept my Swiss Army Knife my dad had given me incase of an emergency. I pulled it out and shut the drawer. I examined it for a moment trying one last time to control myself.

I failed.

I pulled out the knife and gently set it against my wrist. I pushed down slightly, wincing at the pain, then pushed the knife in further, watching it sink in. This time I felt the adrenaline rush. A slight moan escaped my lips. Partly from the pain; partly from the pleasure. It had been so long since I cut myself that I had forgotten how wonderful it made me feel. I soon added a second and third line of blood on my wrist.

The familiar taste of blood rushed across my tongue as I brought my wrist to my mouth. I sucked on my wounds for a moment before changing my position to get more comfortable. I turned sideways so my back was no longer resting against the hard headboard of my bed, but was facing my bedside table. I put my wrist back in its previous position resting against my leg. I started cutting again, pressing harder each time. I stopped keeping track of how many cuts I was making and just let my brain relax and let my right hand continue its motions…


	2. Chapter 2

I was surrounded by darkness, nothing but pitch black all around me. I sent commands from my brain to my eyelids, but they didn't open. Instead I was hit with tramendous pain. My head was throbbing and my wrist was as well. Though not nearly as much as my head. It was like someone had taken a sledgehammer to it. I winced and made a small grunting sound.

I heard someone shout, "She's awake!" I think it may have been my dad. Then I became aware of a constant, rhythmic beeping sound coming from some place nearby.

I tried once again to open my eyes. This time I was successful. At first everything was blurry but it all slowly came into focus. I was lying in a bed in some white room. My first instinct was to hold my head. I reached up to my head and felt that there were bandages there, wrapped around it. I took my hand off my head and brought it down to my wrist. I stroked the bandages covering it. My fingers involuntairly went up and down the bandages for a moment. The memory of yesterday came back to me. (Or maybe it was earlier today, I'm not too sure wehn now is.) My face twisted into a frown. Not only was I upset about my girlfriend (well ex girlfriend now), now I was in pain physically too, as well as confused about where I was, what I was doing here, why my head was in bandages, what exactly had happened after my cutting last night (or whenever), I didn't even know what time it was.

Then I noticed the IV in my arm. Now I knew where I was. I was lying in a hospital. Now one question was answered but now there were more.

Suddenly a man and a woman in white coats entered the room. One of them was my father; the other was my mother. Now I knew which hospital we were in. The one both my parents work at. They were both doctors at Blueview hospital. They spent most of their time here, and worked long hours. When they were home they always seemed to be busy doing taxes, or cleaning, or whatever. The only time they weren't busy was when they hosted their fancy dinner parties with their rich, sophisticated friends. I wasn't sure which I hated most about the dinner parties, the fact that it was a dinner party, and I had to avoid going downstairs, or making some excuse to leave the house, the fact that all my parent's snobby friends attended them, or the fact that my parents became their snobby friend's snobby friends.

"How do you feel Sweetie?" My mom asked me.

Sweetie? She hasn't called me that since I was a little girl. I was probably 6 the last time she had said that word.

I relaxed and let my head fall back onto the pillow. "Fine, Mom," I lied. I didn't care that I had lied, or that I sounded agrivated. I stared at the wall on the other side of the room, so I wouldn't have to loo at their faces. I could just immagine what they were going to say next. I figured my dad would definately be mad.

"Fine," my father said, "Why would you lie like that? How could you feel fine? You're in the hospital for a reason," He was raising his voice, almost yelling.

"Honey," My mom grabbed his arm in an effort to calm him down, and possibly causing a scene, "There's no reason to yell. You know yelling is just his way of grieving, right Yul? It's not your fault."

It was my fault. He was grieving because of what I did. I didn't show any response.

My father did respond though, "Sorry," he said to her, much more calmly. Then he directed his attention back to me. "Do you even know why you're in the hospital?"

I thought that was a pretty stupid question. I rolled my eyes, then finally looked at them. "I cut myself on purpose. I think I know that I ended up passing out from it."

He pointed his finger at me, supposedly trying to intimidate me, or something. "That's not what I meant, Smartass; I-"

"Dear," My mother once again put her hand on his arm, and glared at him, as she interupted him. He was yelling, but this time it was from anger caused by my smart remark, rather than from 'grieving' as my mother probably would have said.

My father looked at her for a second before once again facing me, and lecturing me more. "I meant," he started in a calmer voice, "Did you know what happened to your head?"

That part did puzzle me. It was one of the many questions that were still on my mind. I'm sure I could figure it out if I thought hard enough but my head hurt too much right now to try to solve a mystery. "No." I answered cooly, trying not to make eye contact with them.

"When you passed out you must have fell backward and hit your head on your nightstand." My mom said before my father could respond to me. "At least that's what we think happened. There was blood on it so we figured you had passed out and fell sideways."

Of course. Now I felt stupid. I should've figured that out, it was practically common sense. It should've been more apparent to me than anyone else, and I had to have my parents tell me. That was what I couldn't think of? How pathetic. Stupid head injury.

"You're really lucky to be alive Yulia." She continued to drone on. "If your father and I had come home any later you probably would've died from blood loss." She paused for a moment and sniffled. "Oh, god."

Then she started sobbing. Actually sobbing. Actually crying. Real tears. I hadn't seen her cry in forever, and she was crying because of me, or for me rather. I knew she cared about the fact that I had almost died, but she cared more than I did about it. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad to die. I wouldn't have had to lay here and watch her cry. Her crying was causing me to freak out even more. I wasn't used to it. I wanted to look away, but I was eyes were glued to her.

My father wrapped his arms around her so she could sob into his chest. He continued where she had left off. "Yes, you're very lucky," I wondered if I truly was as I continued staring at my mother sobbing into my father's white coat, staining it. I was still overwhelmed by the sight. "Lucky we came home, lucky we live close to a hospital, lucky you didn't die, lucky your head wound wasn't that serious, lucky you have two parents who are doctors, and knew what to do..."

When would this end. He ranted on as I resisted the urge to sigh because of the last thing he mentioned. It amazed me how he incorporated himself into his 'you're lucky' speech. I don't see how my parents being doctors had helped me live. All they could do to make sure I had lived when they had first arrived home and found me was to call 911, which anyone could do. You don't have to be a doctor to push 3 buttons on a phone. A five year old could do it. Of course I'm sure they did whatever they did here at the hospital to make sure I lived, but any doctor would've, so I ddin't see how the fact that they were doctors was special. Plus I just couldn't listen to him saying I was lucky anymore. If I was so lucky, why did I feel like my life was so shitty? He stopped talking, so I guessed he had finally finished his speech, and I hoped he would just shut up.

"Well, we'll let you get some rest. Come on Larissa." My mom had almost gotten her crying under control, but was still leaning against my dad when they turned to leave. 'Thank the lord.' I said in my head when they closed the door after leaving the room. I wanted to be left alone. I wanted to sleep. I felt drowsy. Must have been some medication they gave me, or it might have just been the head injury. I rolled onto my side and soon drifted off to sleep.

I awoke to the sound of people talking. The voices were coming from beside me. I was too exhausted to turn over and look at them, and I didn't really want to, so I didn't even move. It was probably just my parents talking to each other. I tuned in to the conversation, considering I knew they weren't talking to me, because I was asleep when they started talking.

I instantly recognized that one of the voices was my father, and I expected my mother to start talking once he stopped, but to my surprise, she didn't. The next voice belonged to a male. I figured it must have been another doctor, or a nurse since I didn't recognize his voice. I listened in expecting to be completely lost since I tuned in in the middle of their conversation, but after the first sentence I knew that they were talking about me.

"The girl needs help!" The unfamiliar voice authritively stated. His voice was quiet so as not to wake me up. They wre obviously unaware of hte fact that I was awake and evesdropping in on them.

"You think I don't know that," my father said "Well, I do. But no matter what you say, I am not going to put my daughter in some mental instution!"

My eyes widened. Mental institution! They were trying to put me in the loony bin! They couldn't do that to me. I tried to imagine what my life would be like in one of those places. Sitting in a padded cell, straight jacket strangling my arms, hearing the constant screaming and shouting of of the real lunatics, everyone around me pulling their hair out in little tufts with their hands. I had to shut my eyes tightly to get rid of the horrific images and sounds. Thank God my father was against keeping me in one of those places.

"But she needs help!" The unknown voice protested.

"But I'm not locking her up in some loony bin. She's not crazy! Do you know what happens to people in there? Some of the treatments they use are just insane. They inject people all kinds of sedatives. They use electroshock therapy! Electroshocks can cause you to forget things if they use it too many times. She could forget who she is if they do that to her."

'You go Dad,' I thought to myself, 'Keep convincing him I don't deserve any of that stuff.'

"Fine, don't put her in a mental institution," the other doctor or nurse or whatever surrendered. "But you really should get her some help."

"I know," my dad answered, "I know. I don't know what to do though. We'll probably just keep sending her to her therapist. We might get her a new one considering it doesn't seem like her current one is doing a very good job." I heard him exhale loudly.

That sucked. I hoped I wouldn't get a new therapist. I like Dr. Morty. He actually listened to what I had to say. (Or at least it seemed like he did.) He didn't just sit there and pretend to listen to me (Or at least it seemed like he didn't) like some of my other therapists did. I could actually talk to him and he wouldn't judge me. (Or at least it seemed like he didn't.) Of course I didn't actually talk to him about my feelings all the time. I wasn't going to take the risk. He might seem nice, but it could be an act for all I know.

"Well, whatever you want. Just make sure she gets help, or else she'll just do it again, and I really don't think you wantt that to happen." I heard the faceless man leave the room. I didn't hear my dad leave, so I closed my eyes and tried to pretend I was still sleeping. I figured he was looking at me cause there was really no other reason to still be standing in the room, and I didn't want him to know I had overheard him. "You're lucky Yulia." I wasn't sure if he knew I was awake or not, but I didn't say anythinhg else, and he eventually left the room.

I was left alone with my thoughts, and the only thing I could think was, 'I can't wait to get out of this place.'


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's an update for the one person reading this. You rock Shizuma1000! **

Chapter 3

They kept me in the hospital for another week before I was discharged. I was extatic when I finally got to go home. It had been the longest, most boring week of my entire life. All I did every single day in that place was: wake up, eat a nasty breakfast, sit there for a few hours, bored out of my mind, eat a nasty lunch, sit there for a couple hours, eat a nasty dinner, sit there for another couple of hours, bored out of my mind, fall asleep, and repeat. (Of course I took bathroom brakes, and took medicine when they gave it to me throughout the day too.)

I probably would've been released sooner if my parents hadn't opted for me to stay a couple extra days. When they told me they wanted to keep me in here longer, "just to be safe", I wanted to yell at them, but I didn't. I argued with them that my head injury wasn't that bad and I was better and could go home, but they didn't agree and didn't take me home for two more days. But eventually they did take me home.

It's been a week since I've been home and I had an appointment with Dr. Morty today. They hadn't replaced him. Yet. My parents had a long conversation with him over the phone. They told him about 'the incident', as they referred to it. They said that he obviously wasn't doing a very good job at his job since 'the incident' happened in the first place. I listened to the conversation and the way they were talking kind of made it sound like they were blaming him. I felt really guilty afterwards. It wasn't his fault. He's awesome. He helps me so much. It was my fault. I just can't stop... I can't control it. They didn't get me a new therapist though, which is good, because no matter who they would've replaced him with I wouldn't trust them or talk to them. I'm so glad they told Dr. Morty he had one more chance before they replaced him.

I walked into the room and he greeted me as I lied down on the couch. I greeted him back as he sat down in his brown leather chair across from me. He dropped my folder into his lap and put his pen on top of it. He placed his elbows on the chair's arm rests and put his fingertips together. "So-" He started, but I interrupted him before he could finish his thought.

"Before you start, I just want to say I'm sorry for the way my parents talked to you on the phone. They made it sound like the whole thing was your fault, and it wasn't. It was all my fault. I'm sorry that they blamed you."

He only nodded his head and muttered a thank you as a response to my rambling. Then he went straight back to what he was trying to say before. "So, why'd you do it?"

"Well," I said to the ceiling, "Svetlana dumped me."

"She did?" He asked, his voice had a slightly surprised tone to it. That's what I liked most about him, he showed emotion. He didn't just sit there with the same look on his face, and a monotonous tone during the whole session. "The way you talk about her it sounded like you two were the happiest couple in the universe."

"I thought we were. But no, I guess we weren't."

"That is terrible. Why'd she do it?"

"She cheated on me."

"And how did that make you feel? Did you get angry?"

I chuckled lightly. I always did whenever he said 'how does that make you feel'. It's just so stereotypical. "No. I didn't even get mad. I actually just begged for her to not dump me." I realized how pathetic I must've sounded on the phone. Most people don't beg their girlfriend not to dump them after they just found out that they'd been cheated on. "Pretty pathetic, huh?"

"Well, not necessarily. She was the best thing in your life, wasn't she?"

I scoffed. "Yeah, was."

"Then it was perfectly natural for you to try to stop your relationship from ending." he reasoned.

"Yeah, I guess." I stared at the cracks in the ceiling. What he was saying made sense. "But she wasn't just the best thing in my life, she was the only good thing in my life. And once she dumped me I had no reason to live. That's why I tried to kill myself." I hadn't even realized that's what I had actually been trying to do until I said it. It was true. I really had been trying to end my life.

"Do you really think she's the only good thing in your entire life?"

"Was." I corrected him.

"I'm sorry," he appologized. "Was she the only good thing in your life?"

"Yep. Without her I really don't have a reason to live." It was true. She was what had kept me going each day. Without her I felt empty. It felt like there was this gaping hole inside of me now that had been filled when Svetlana was with me. This feeling sucked.

"What about your parents? They aren't a reason for you to live?"

"Nope."

"What about your friends?"

"You know I don't have any." True statement. I didn't have a single one.

He picked up his pen, opened the file, and wrote something down. I didn't necessarily care what he wrote, so I never asked him what the file said. He kept the pen in his hand and the journal open when he finished. "I don't understand why you don't try to make friends with anyone at your school." He could be brutally honest sometimes.

"Well for one it's summer, so I don't have school until fall. And beside that no one that goes to my school has a brain. I mean everyone is so shallow and immiture there. No one can hold an intelligent conversation. I don't have any common intrests with one person in that hell hole anyway."

He wrote something else down. "Do you know why your parents decided to give me a second chance?"

"No," I answered. I was confused. I didn't know if he was asking me because he wanted to know, or because he was going to tell me, but wasn't sure if I already knew or not.

I got my answer. "Well, I was thinking of trying something new. I've never tried it before but I've had people say that it's worked well for their patients." Now I was curious. What was he planning on doing? "I talked to your parents about it and they said that I could try this method of therapy, but if it didn't help they would get you a new therapist.

I sat up with anticipation. "What is it?"

"Sessions of group therapy. I deal with a few patients who are struggling with depression as well. Most of them are around you age. In their early twenties. If I get you all of you guys together to discuss your problems, you can all lean on each other for support, and things, you know."

Hmm. That did sound kind of intriguing. Maybe I'd meet someone that I could really relate to for once in my life besides from Svetlana. It might be good for me to make some equantinces too. I was curious about all of the people that would be there. "How many people are coming?"

"Well, there isn't an official number yet. I still have to get permission for some people to see who'll be attending. So far there's you, three other girls, and tow guys. There may be a few more people but there won't be that many more."

"When is it?"

"The first session is this Saturday." He closed his book and put his pen behind his ear before standing up. "See you there." I glanced up at the clock, and noticed that our time together was indeed up. I stood up as well, and let him escort me out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

I was actually pretty excited to go to this group therapy session thing. All week I couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like, and what we would do there, and who would be there, and what they would be like. I also wondered if I would make any friends for the first time in my life since first grade.

When I got to Dr. Morty's office I noticed that the couch had been pushed up against the wall to make more room. Plastic chairs had been brought in to form a circle in the middle of the room. One chair in the circle was Dr. Morty's trusty brown leather chair, and he was sitting in it. "Come on in, Yulia. Take a seat," he said once he noticed I had walked into the room. All together there were eight seats in the circle, counting Dr. Morty's. Only four of the seats were filled so far. The one directly across from Dr. Morty is occupied by some guy in a black hoodie, who's face I couldn't see because he was looking at the floor and had his hood ober his head. The seat to the right of him a girl with brown hair and blonde highlights is sitting in. I think I recognize her. I think she might go to my school. On the other side of the guy was another brunnette, but she didn't look familiar. I sat ninety degrees to the left of Dr. Morty, next to the girl I think I may recognize.

"We'll wait a couple minutes for the others to show up before we start." Dr. Morty said. I looked at the clock, 4:02. We were supposed to be here at four so I figured the other people should get here any minute. Right then some blonde boy took the open seat next to me. He was wearing a T-shirt and I could see his forearms. They were covered with scars. There were a ton of pink, fleshy lines all along his wrist. Way more than there were on mine. After examining his arms for a few more seconds I felt a someone nudge me. I turned to look at the girl sitting next to me.

"Do I know you?" she asked.

Now I knew I recognized her. "Uh, yeah, I think so. We had calculous together last year didn't we?"

"Oh, yeah," She lost focus on me and turned it to the other girl and guy next to her. She was listening in on their conversation. The guy and girl must have known each other because they were having an actual, in depth conversation. I didn't know what they were talking about and didn't really care that much either, so I didn't listen. I went to look at the clock instead. That's when I noticed the other seat next to Dr. Morty had someone sitting in it. A girl with blue hair had claimed it. She had head phones in her ear and I could hear the blaring heavy metal music coming out of them all the way over where I was.

She didn't take them out until the door slammed and a completely and utterly gorgeous redheaded girl walked in. She surveyed the circle for a second before locking in on the seat across from Dr. Morty. "Crap," I heard her mutter under her breath before she sighed and sat in the only empty seat. The one across from me. Once she sat down I got a better look at her. She had the prettiest green/gray eyes I had ever seen in my entire life. Her longred hair really brought them out and complimented them too. She had pale skin that was covered in freckles. She was soooo stunning. I found myself staring at her. Her eyes went back to scanning the circle, but they stopped on mine when she caught me staring at her. Usually under these circumstances I would've been embarassed and looked away, but for some reason this time I didn't. I just starred at her; starring at me.

"Okay everyone, you're all here so we're going to start. Now the first thing we're going to do is go around the circle and when it's your turn you'll say your name, age, and something about yourself. This is just so we can all get to know each other. Of course if there's something that you don't want to say, you don't have to say it," Dr. Morty turned to the girl with blue hair, "Let's start with you." He pointed at her as he said it.

"Why me?"

"Because I said so. That's what you get for being late, and having to take a seat next to me. I'm always going to start with someone sitting next to me when we go around the circle, so let that be a warning to all of you. If you don't want to go first, get here on time so you can get a seat farther away from me," he addressed the class.

The girl rolled her eyes. "Well," the girl started, "My name's Sarah, I'm 22, and I'm addicted to music."

"Alright, next," Dr. Morty guided, and pointed at the next person.

It was the redhead's turn. Our eyes were still glued to the other's. "I'm Elena, but you can call me Lena," I mouthed Lena involuntarily. She had noticed even though I was only slightly aware that I did it. She smiled a little because of it, and I turned as red as her hair, and looked into my lap while waiting for the burning in my cheeks to disappear before meeting her eyes once again. "I'm 18, and I don't really like t say things about myself to a bunch of total strangers." It was a combination of the last thing she said, her smile, and just her overall cuteness that made me smile too.

People continued around the circle, and I was only semi aware of what they were saying because I was still somewhat hypnotized by Lena. I couldn't stop staring at her just to look at the other people who were talking. Something told me that it wasn't worth it to loose the sight of the gorgeous girl. "I'm Ashley, 20, and I... don't know what to say."

"Mike." We waited all waited a moment for him to say something else, but he didn't so the girl next to me went.

"I'm Amanda, I'm 17 years old, and Dr. M is my therapist." I always called him Dr. Morty. I wondered how many other people called him Dr. M.

Now it was my turn. Oh, crap, I hate being put on the spotlight. "My name's Yulia,' I saw her mouth 'Yulia', playfully mocking me. "I am 17, and..." I wasn't sure what to say. Of course I didn't have to say anything, but there was something I was sort of tempted to say. I wasn't sure if I should say it though. It seemed kind of risky to me, but I decided I may as well say it. "My girlfriend just dumped me, so I'm single." I wasn't saying it so everyone would know somehthing about me; I was saying it so she would know it. I just hoped that it didn't freak her out or anything. It was kind of suggestive and I wasn't sure she liked girls. She may be homophobic for all I know. But it didn't seem like she was. I wondered if she could tell I was interested in her. I figured she had figured that out when she caught me starring at her. And most of all I wondered if she was kind of interested in me too. She was starring back at me, so that's a good sign. And if she did know I liked her and she was interested in me then there was still the chance that I had just scared her away because I sounded desperate or something. But after I said it she didn't look away, in fact her smile grew. Yes! I hadn't freaked her out. I had been worried for nothing.

I came back to my senses when the guy next to me started talking. "Harold, 23, and I think the reason for all my problems is my name. I mean, who names their kids 'Harold' anymore?" You could tell he was in a rush to finish. You could also tell that he was the class clown type. His last comment had received a few chuckles.

Dr. Morty took over again. "OK, you all know me, so I'm not going to say anything about myself. Now I'm going to ask a question that you don't have to answer if you don't want to, or because you don't know. If you feel uncomfortable with it, that's fine, just skip your turn," He paused, "Now... all of yo uhave cut yourself at least once, and my question is simple, why?" He looked at the blue haired girl, Sarah.

"Are we going around the circle again?" she asked. Dr. Morty nodded. "Are we starting with me again?" He nodded again. "Gosh. Start going the other way. It's not fair to start with me each time!"

"Are you gonna answer the question or are you just going to complain." He asked bored.

"Yes, I'm going ot answer the question!" she argued back. She rolled her eyes. "God," she muttered under her breath. "I don't know why I do it. I just do." she regained her composure and shrugged.

"Thank you, Sarah." he made his voice sound aggrivated, but we all knew he really wasn't. He just likes to mess with people. "Alright, Lena, why do you do it?"

"Everyone always seems to say that they do it when they're numb and don't feel emotion so that they can feel, even if they only feel pain. But it's the exact opposite for me. I do it when my emotions run haywire so I can calm down, and relax, and not feel anything. It puts me in a surreal state, and I love that." She sounded so sure of herself, she knew exactly why she does what she does and isn't afraid to say it.

As we continued to go around the circle most people said "I don't know" including me because I wasn't sure if I did or not. After I heard Lena's explnation I got to thining though. I think her reason for doing it was also my reason for doing it. I always do it when I get upset so I feel less upset. I didn't say that because by the time I figured it out I had already had my turn. Maybe I should say it but right now it was Harold's turn, and like the rest of the people who didn't say "I don't know" he said he did it for the opposite reason that Lena and I do.

After he finished I looked away from Lena to look at Dr. Morty. 'Can I change my answer, I realized I do it for the same reason Lena does it,' but I didn't I chickened out. I didn't want her to think I had changed my answer soully because I wanted her to think we had something in common. She probably wouldn't but I still didn't want to risk it. I think I'm paranoid.

"Alright," Dr. Morty stood up. "Our time is up, so I will see you all here next week. Same day, same time." Everyone else stood up and started to file out of the room. The only people who didn't were Lena, Dr. Morty, and I. I stood up in front of my chair and didn't move. She was walking towards me. She stopped when she was about a foot in front of me.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," I said back. There was an awkward silence.

"Uh... wait. Don't leave yet," She started searching through her purse. She eventually fished out a pen. "Hold out your hand." I did. She wrote something on my palm quickly. After she was done I read what it said.

_124-8163_

_Lena_

"Call me sometime," she said. I stayed in the same spot as I watched her leave. After she was gone it was just me and Dr. Morty left in the room. I looked at him and he had a mischeivous smile on his face. He saw everything.

"Did she give you her phone number?" I nodded, still speechless from what just happened. "Good luck."

"Thanks." I managed to choke out before leaving.

**I'm not really too happy with this chapter, but hey at least it moves the plot along. Be sure to review!**

**AN: All phone numbers are fake! (I think) I made them up off the top of my head. Don't go calling them. (Now I really want to. I never thought to before now.)**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I sat on my bed with my cell phone in one hand and a tiny slip of paper in the other. On the paper was Lena's phone number. I had wrote it down as soon as I had gotten home. Then I had put it right underneath my cell phone so that I wouldn't loose it. I had been anxious to talk to her all last night, and all today. I couldn't wait to her her voice again. I had really wanted to call her last night, but I had decided against it because I didn't want to seem too eager. I had decided on calling her the night after i met her, simpy because I just couldn't wait any longer. That night was tonight, and I was getting ready to call her. I was nervous though. My hands were shaking uncontrolablly. They were shaking so bad I could barely read the numbers on the paper, as I dialed them into the phone. I didn't really need to read it though because I had already memorized it. After I dialed the last number I pressed the talk button. It rang... rang again... rang again... and rang once again. After the fourth ring the answering machine picked up. "Hey this is Lena's phone. Leave a message and I'll get back to you later." _Beep._

I was discouraged, yet relieved. I wanted to talk to her, but I didn't know if I could speak without stuttering or sounding stupid at the moment. "Um, hey, this is Yulia. The girl from-" I was cut off by another beep.

"Oh hey," she had picked up! I was happy about that. Now if only I can get words to form... "Sorry about that. I was forced to give you my home phone number cause my cell phone kinda disappeared, and I don't ever answer my home phone. Too many people trying to get you to switch to different companies and sell you things. All my friends know to call my cell phone, or if they have to call here to leave a message and I'll pick up if I'm here. So yeah...sorry."

I was relieved for more than one reason now. She sounded nervous too. She was ranting and ranting is a good sign that someone's nervous. She had started a conversation as well. I was really relieved about that. I hate starting conversations, especially with someone I've never spoken to in my life. "It's all right. I actually do the same thing sometimes when my parents aren't home." So far so good. That came out fine.

"So you still live with your parents huh? I bet you can't wait to get out."

"You got that right. I can't wait to finish high school so I can escape and get my own place. I've actually been thinking about gettting a job and saving up for an apartment." Talking to her wasn't so hard. It was pretty easy actually. It amazed just how easy. It's never been this easy talking to a stranger about my personal life. The butterflies in my stomach had even started to flutter away.

"That's exactly what I did. Except - you said you were 17 right?"

"Yeah." I didn't think she had been payinhg as much attention to me as I was to her during group. I can't believe she had remembered anything about me. Of course I said that only yesterday, but it hadn't occured to me that she had been listening to what I was saying. I could tell by the tone of her voice that she hadn't been uncertain when she asked me if I wasw 17 either. She knew, so I guess she really had been listening.

"Except I was 16 when I got my first job. Junior. So, you're a senior?" she continued

"I will be as soon as school starts back up." I recalled something she had said during the session with Dr. Morty. "Hey wait, how come you're telling me this stuff about you when you said that you didn't like telling strangers things about yourself?" she chuckeled. "What's so funny?"

"As soon as you said that I thought of the cheesiest answer. It's actually kinda true but..."

"What?" I wanted to know.

"I feel like I know you," I smiled. "Therefore I guess you're not so much of a stranger." I could hear her smiling too.

"But you don't know me," I argued. "I could be some psycopathic murderer for all you know."

"I doubt that."

"But you don't know for sure do you?"

"Well then, I guess I'll just have to find out, Ms. Psycopathic Killer." she said in a playful tone.

Did that mean what I think it meant? "So, are you asking me on a date?" Please say yes, please say yes.

"Only if you want me to. If not we can call it two casual friends going to a movie or dinner or dinner and a movie or bowling, please don't pick bowling, or whatever you want."

Yes, she just asked me out on a date! It took a lot of my energy to not squeal and jump around the room, but I managed to contain myself. " I think se should call it a date. And don't worry I hate bowling too." I tried to hide the excitement in my voice, but I wasn't sure how well I was doing.

She breathed out a sigh of relief. "Oh, good. I despise bowling," she scoffed, "So stupid."

"I think we should do dinner and a movie. What about you?"

"Sounds good to me. So when do you wanna go out?"

I thought for a moment. "Well, I don't have anything going on, so why don't you choose when."

"I'm free tomorrow."

"Cool. So I'll pick you up at 8?"

"Sounds good."

"All right where do you live?" She gave me her address and her apartment number, and I wrote them down on a sheet of paper. I also got her to give me directions. "See you tomorrow."

"Bye."

After we hung up I couldn't contain my excitement any longer. "YES!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, "YES!"

**AN: If you're a fan of tatu fanfiction, keep a look out because I plan to post a single-chaptered oneshot/UC/whatever you call it with our favorite Russian singers as the main characters.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6, enjoy. and keep the reviews coming.**

I judged my appearance in the mirror. My short dark hair was spiky. I was wearing a black T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. I was also wearing my favorite leather jacket, just in case it got chilly. It may ve summer but sometimes nights aren't so warm here. Plus it just makes me look cool. I decided that I looked fine and was ready for my date with Lena. It was 7:30 now so I decided I better get going if I was to pick up Lena on time. I figured it might take me a while to get to her apartment. It was on the other side of town, and I'm horrible with directions. I hate going places I've never been before because I can never find them. I end up having to ask for directions and I suck at following them. She had told me how to get there and I had written the directions down, but it'd be a miracle if I could follow them clearly and get there easily.

I grabbed my keys and my cell phone and started down the stairs. I walked quickly past the kitchen hoping no one notices me as I go by. Unfortunately that doesn't happen adn my mom calls to me, "Oh, Yulia," I had already passed the kitchen doorway when she called my name so I back tracked until I was standing in the doorway.

"Yes, Mom?"

"Have you decided to join us?" By us she meant all of her friends. She was hosting yet another dinner party. She had always wanted me to attend her special gatherings and act like the perfect daughter so she could show me off to her snobby friends. When I was little she had told me that she couldn't wait until I was older so I could do just that. But her dreams were crushed. I hadn't wanted to then and I definately didn't want to now. She knew very well that I hadn't come downstairs to attend her party but she never gave up that dream, even when she realized taht it wasn't going to happen. She didn't want to admit it. She still hoped I could be the girly, intelligent, popular, perfect daughter that she had always wanted. She didn't have any other daughters or she probably would've given up on me eventually and pinned her dream on them. She looked me up and down, examining my outfit. "YOu should go get changed into some more formal clothes then you can come back down here and join us, OK?"

"Mom you know I don't want to join you," I said, annoyed that she never knows when to give yp. "I'm going out."

"Where?" she quized me.

"Just out, I don't know yet." I was getting tired of talking to her. I needed to leave now if I was going to get Lena on time.

"With whom?"

Now I was getting tired of her captious questions. I can understand her worrying about me, but I'm a teenager so naturally I'm gonna get annoyed when she does it.

I wasn't ready to tell her about Lena, yet. I'd tell her when and if we got extremely serious. I wasn't going to tell my mom I had a new girlfriend when we technically weren't really dating yet. We hadn't gone on the first date, adn I didn't know if we would actually want to date each other after we did. We know nothing about each otehr. We've never even really had a conversation. I'd only talked to her once. My parents don't even know I like girls. If I told my mom now she'd make a big deal out of it and I'd have no chance of picking Lena up on time. "No one, I'm just going out by myself."

Luckily she hadn't noticed I lied, and she wasn't suspicious of anything. She just persisted for me to join her some more, "Oh, come on, come join us. You can go out tomorrow night. The Snograsses son is here," she said in a sing-song voice. "You remember him don't you? You guys used to play together when you were little. He's only a year younger than you, and he's turned out to be a very handsome young man. I'm sure you guys would get along great."

This wasn't the first time she tried to hook me up with her oppinion of a nice man. "Mom I'm not interested in him. And I'm going out tonight. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get going."

She sighed in defeat. "Alright. Be back by midnight." I headed for the door, eager to make my escape. "And don't get into any trouble!"

"I won't," I said as I walked out the door.

"I love you!"

"Bye," I called in response before closing the door. I hadn't told either of my parents that I loved them in years. I sliped up one day in therapy and accidentally told Dr. Morty this. He wanted to discuss it, but I didn't so I changed the subject and it was never mentioned again.

I went to the garage and hopped into my '69 Corvette. That car is my baby. I love it. It was a present from my parents on my 16th birthday. It's vintage and in mint condition. It's extremely expensive and it's just as rare.

I turned on the radio and settled on a station with some rock song I'd never heard before playing on it. I pulled out of the driveway silently praying finding her apartment wouldn't be too hard. I had the directions next to me on the passengers seat.

I got there right on time. The directons had veen pretty clear. I'd only managed to get lost once. I stopped in front of the wrong apartment building. Lena's was on the next street over.

I got out of the car but not before checking the address to make sure this was the right place. I walked in and found the apartment rather quickly. It was on the first floor. I didn't go in immediately. I was really nervous so I stood in front of her door trying to calm down. "You can do this. There's nothing to be nervous about," I said to myself out loud. I poised my fist in front of the door to knock, but before I could the door flew open. "Holy -" I jumped back and hit the wall behind me. Apparently it was amusing to scare me because Lena stood in the doorway laughing her ass off. "It's not funny!" I protested once my heart rate started to slow down. "You almost gave me a heart attack!"

She kept laughing. "I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. I was standing right by the door when I heard you talking to yourself. I had to surprise you." Her laughter faded as she got the last chuckles out of her system.

My heart started beating at its normal rate again, so I got off the wall and stood next to her. "Jesus Christ. You scared the shit out of me." I let out a chuckle.

"I'm sorry. Come in. I have to get my shoes on and grab my purse." I went in and shut the door behind me. "Would you like a tour?" She asked.

I shrugged. "Sure."

"Right next to you is the bathroom. This." She spread her arms out and looked around. "Is the hallway."

"Really?" I said sarcastically.

"Yeah. Now if you take about five steps forward and look to your left you will see the kitchen."

I comically took exactly five steps forward. "I see a wall."

She chuckled. I liked how I made her make that angelic sound. "Take another step."

I did. "Ah. Now I see it." It was very small. There was barely enough space for two people to walk around in it.

If you continue walking forward you will enter the living room." The living room was about half the size of mine. It's only contents were a couch, a tv, and a coffee table. "Over here is my room." Her room was roughly around the same size as her living room.

It was very neat and clean. There weren't any clothes lying on the floor, or any clutter lying around. Everything was neat and in its place. The twin size bed was made. There was a desk with a laptop on it with a phone next to it and a clock next to the phone. On the other side of the room was a short long dresser. A mirror was set up on top of it and her makeup surrounded it. Her purse was also on it.

Lena had sat on the bed and started to slip on her shoes which sat next to the bed. I stood in the doorway because I always felt awkward coming into someone's house. I get really out of my comfort zone. Coming into someone's room is even worse for me. You never know what they don't want you doing or touching. "I hace a very small apartrment, but it's all I could afford so..."

"It's not small...it's cozy."

She scoffed. "Yeah, _very_ cozy."

"It's not that bad. It could be worse."

She finished tying her shoes adn grabbed her purse. "I guess. Now let's get out of here before we get claustrophobic. I'm not sure two people can be in here without suffocating." I laughed.

She locke up her apartment and we were ready to leace. When we got to my car she stood frozen. "Whoa! This is your car? How did you afford this?"

"Both my parents are doctors. I got it for my sixteenth birthday." I opened the passenger's side door for her.

"Thank you," she said getting in the car. Then she got back on topic. "For my sixteenth birthday I got a few outfits and my driver's liscense. My parents could never afford anything this expensive. We've always been poor. Unlike your family. God you must be practically rich," she said while admiring the car.

"We're not that rich. Just in the upper middle class."

"Well you're a lot richer than me. I wish I had your kind of money. OK I'm going to stop talking before you think I'm a gold digger," she explained frantically. "Because I'm not. I liked you before I knew you had money."

"I've gone out with gold diggers before, and I don't thik you're one of them." I started the car, so we could get going, but before we did I had to know where we were going. "Where are we going for dinner?" I asked. "Your choice."

"Oh, I don't know. Do you like Chinese?" She asked after a moment.

"I love Chinese food!" I exclaimed. It's my favorite foreign food.

We talked the whole way there. We asked each other simple random questions like: What's you favorite color, food, animal, type of music, etc. There were a couple more personal questions too like: What's your last name and what's your birthday. By the time we arrived at _Domo _(The Chinese place. Even though technically it's a Japanese place. It was closest to the movie theatre, so I figured we'd eat there.) I felt like I had known her a lot longer than about half an hour. I found out her favorite color's red, she likes alternative rock, and she likes most animals. All of them except insects and snakes. Her birthday is October 4th which means she's only about five months older than me. My birthday's February 20th. Her last name is Katina - Lena Katina. Isn't her name so poetic? It's also Russian so we have that in common as well. My ancestors came from Russia, so my parents gave me a Russian name. Yulia Olegnov Volkova.

At dinner we talked some more. At first about random things again like if we've ever eaten sushi. She had I hadn't. I told her that I didn't find raw fish appetizing. She dared me to eat a piece but I said no. She called me a wimp and bet me five bucks I wouldn't eat a piece. Me being competative and not being able to turn down a challenge of course took the bet. I put it in my mouth and chewed. It tasted like crap but I was determined to swallow it. I eventually got it down and became five dollars richer.

As dinner went on we somehow got on the subject of past relationships. "Ive never actually been in a real relationship before," Lena explained to me. "In high school I went out with a couple girls but we only lasted a couple weeks."

I nodded. I understood that. I've been through that. "I've only been in one serious relationship. It was my last girlfriend. I thought we were perfect for each other, but then she cheated on me so..." I shoved more egg drop soup into my mouth.

"You mentioned that." She had remembered another thing I said. Awesome.

"Here you go." A waitress deposited our bill and two fortune cookies on the table, then walked off to take away used plates at another table.

"I love fortune cookies," Lena said grabbing one off the top of the bill. I followed suit and took the remaining one. She opened hers then laid the fortune facedown on the table while she at the cookie.

"You don't want to read the fortune first?" I'd never seen anyone do that before.

"Nope. I like the suspense of wondering what it says."

"Alright then." I put my fortune faced down on the table just like her, and ate my cookie.

She finished and picked up the fortune. " 'You will be blessed with good luck.' Sure I will," she said sarcastically. She threw the fortune onto her used plate at the end of the table. "What does yours say?"

" 'You will find love in your life.' And look at that, two of my lucky numbers are six and seventeen. What do you know, today's date is June 17th. I bet it's a sign." I winked at her, and she blushed. She looked even cuter when her cheeks were the same color as her hair.

"Are you serious?" She snatched the fortune out of my hand and studied it. "Wow you were. Maybe it is a sign." She smiled at me and tossed the fortune onto the used plate with hers. I gasped. "What?" She asked surprised.

"You don't throw away signs!" I reached across the table to retrieve my luckily unstained fortune. I slipped it into my jacket pocket.

"You're such a dork." She laughed.

"And you love it." I retaliated back.

She reached across the table and her hand found its way on top of mine. "Of course I do." I was paralyzed for a moment. Our contact sent shivers through my entire body. Once I was out of my hypnotized state I reached for the bill with my other hadn not wanted to loose skin to skin contact with Lena. I paid the bill and put a few dollars under the bill holder as tip for the waitress. Unfortunately this did require both my hands. "Wait. Let me pay for half of it." She reached for her purse but I stopped her.

"No, it's okay. I'll pay for it. It's not even twenty dollars."

She was stubborn. "Then let me pay for the tip."

It was no problem for me to pay for everything. "Lenok I already paid and go the tip out you don't have to pay for anything."

She finally gave up. "Fine." Or maybe not. "But I get to pay for the movie."

"You keep thinking that." I had no inhtention of letting her pay for the movie. She may be stubborn but I could be stubborn too. Over the phone I promised her that the night was on me.

"No, you keep thinking that. Come on let's go."

We managed to make it to the showing of _One Missed Call._ Turns out Lena had been wanting to see it too. She had insisted on paying for movie, popcorn, and drinks, but I wouldn't let her. I promised her she could pay for things next time. The movie wasn't as scary as we had expected, but it was still really good and we wereabsorbed in it. That was until our hadns touched in the popcorn bucket. Our contact once again sent shivers through me. I was even more stunned when she entwined out fingers, brought our hands out of the popcorn bucket, and didn't let go. I eventually got back to focusing on the movie. By the time I had I was confused about what was happening because I had missed something. I asked Lena what was going on, but she didn't know either. The fact that she didn't know meant she wasn't paying attention. Hopeful she had been focusing on me.

We left the theatre hand in hand. When we got the the car I asked Lena if she wanted to drive. She seemed to like my car, so I thought maybe she'd want to drive it. She'd also have more luck getting back ot her apartment than I would.

"That's probably not a good idea," she said "I've had my car for not even a year and I've been in minor accidents three times."

I was astonished. The thought of her crashing my baby terrified me. "You...are...never...driving...my car." I told her. "I mean that. I'm horrible at finding places but at least I can drive without crashing."

"You're terrible with directions? You can get me back to my apartment right? We won't end up in Nevada will we?" she asked.

"I make no promises," I said as seriously as I could. Then we both burst into laughter. Then we got in the car - me in the driver's seat, her in the passenger's seat. The ride was silent at first, so I tried to start a conversation. I asked her the first question I could think of. "Have you come out to your parents yet?"

"Hmm?" She said. She hadn't been paying attention. She had been looking out the window. I repeated my question for her. "No, I haven't."

"I haven't come out to mine either. I don't really plan on it. Do you think you'd tell yours anytime soon?"

"No."

"Why not?" I was just curious about her reasons.

"Can we please stop talking about my parents?" she practically begged as she looked into my eyes.

"Yeah, sure. I won't bring them up again." She relaxed and I noticed that she had become tense when I mentioned her parents. I wonder why she doesn't like them. Now that I think about it the only thing she said about them all day was that they were poor. I guess I shouldn't touch down on her past.

When we got to her apartment (This time I found the right one the first time.) I wasn't ready to say goodbye to her quite yet, so I walked her inside. "So when are we going out again?" I asked.

"Does next weekend sound good to you? Saturday night, Sunday night, I don't really care."

"I don't care either. I guess we'll decide when we get out of group, huh."

"Yep. Sounds good to me." She stepped closer to me and grabbed both my hands. "I had a really nice time tonight, Yulia."

"I did too."

She leaned closer to me, so I did the same. Our faces were just inches apart, but she quickly closed the gap as she captured my lips with hers. The kiss was so sweet. We pulled apart slowly not wanting it to end.

"Good night, Yulia."

"Good night."


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Sorry I haven't been replying to reviews. It's not that I don't appreciate them, I do, but I've been busy, so I just want to take time now to say thanks.**

**Chapter 7**

In Group we had all pushed our chairs closer together so we could show each other our scars. It had started with Ashley and Mike having a conversation about their scars. I have a theory they're dating. If they're not they should be. Their conversation didn't stay private for very long though, because Amanda joined in. She seems kind of nosy. She's always listening to Mike and Ashley's conversations. I guess she wasn't the only one listening though, because Harold started bragging that he had the most scars. Then Sarah bet him that she had more. My money was on Harold. I've seen his arms and there's almost no more room for any more scars. Since Lena and I were now the only ones not conversing with the others we silently decided together that we should join in too.  
Sarah was fuming when she found out that Harold really did have more scars. She was a close second though, and Mike wasn't too far behind her. Lena was right behind Mike.

When I saw her scars I got this weird feeling in my stomach. Kind of like I was sick and about to throw up. I knew I wasn't going to, it just hurt me to see that she's hurt herself.  
I was fifth. When Lena saw my arms I wondered if she got the same feeling I did when I saw hers. I couldn't tell. Her facial expression was indifferent, as it has been since Group started.  
Ashley was second to last which meant Amanda had the least. She didn't have very many at all. Compared to Harold she had none.

We talked about our scars the whole hour. It was better than having Dr. Morty ask us awkward questions that no one really wanted to answer. He didn't try to make us do that again or try to make us do anything else. He let us talk the whole hour and didn't interrupt us once. I had forgotten he was in the room. He sat at his desk and quietly did paperwork He'd occasionally stop and listen to us, but then he went right back to his work.

We also talked about odd things we had used to cut ourselves. There were some very strange things mentioned. Ashley had used a Jolly Rancher. I spent three minutes trying to think of a way that would even be possible. Sarah said she used to bite off chunks of her skin. She also told us she uses toothpicks to do self-inflicted tattoos. I don't think I could purposefully stick a piece of wood inside me. Splinters aren't fun. Amanda had used fingernail clippers. Harold said he'd used his dad's credit card once.  
Some of us shared personal stories about why a certain cut was made. It was mostly Sarah telling us about her self-inflicted tattoos, but Ashley and Amanda shared too. Mike also contributed by saying he sometimes does it to taste his blood.

I can imagine him being a vampire. I can picture him with fangs, biting into Ashley's pale neck and drinking her blood. He even looks like a vampire. Mostly he's always hidden under his black hoodie, but when he does occasionally look up I get a look at his pale, sharp, striking features. All he's missing is the fangs. He even has red eyes. His contacts startled me at first, but once the initial shock wore off I decided he looked really cool.

At the end of the session Ashley said that she and Mike were going to grab a bite to eat and asked us if anyone wanted to go with them. I asked Lena if she wanted to go because I was only going if she was. She did, and so did everyone else. Apparently none of us have lives so we had plenty of free time to do something spontaneous.

We stood in the parking lot for what seemed like forever arguing over where to eat. Not all of us were arguing. It was just the guys. They were at each other's throats over something stupid. We girls stood there annoyed that they couldn't come to a compromise, and amused because it was kind of entertaining. Harold wanted to go to McDonald's, but Mike wanted to go to Taco Bell. None of us girls cared where we went, so that's why we had decided to let the guys decide. Immediately we found out that that was a bad idea.

They kept arguing until Sarah stepped in. "Oh my god! Stop arguing and pick a place already! Who cares where we eat! It's not something you should be getting into a fight over!"

"But he wants to go to Taco Bell," Harold complained. "No one likes Taco Bell!"

"Everyone likes Taco Bell," Sarah argued.

"Yeah, I know. I do too," Harold admitted. "But I want to go to McDonald's," he complained again. He sounded like a little kid whose parents wouldn't buy him a toy he wanted.

"We'll take a vote," Sarah said. "Who wants to go to McDonald's?"

Harold, Ashley, and Amanda raised their hands.

"Babe, you're supposed to agree with me," Mike said.

"But I want McDonald's," Ashley responded. So they are dating. I knew it!

"All in favor of Taco Bell?" Sarah continued.

Mike, Sarah, Lena, and I raised our hands.

"The Taco Bells have it," Sarah announced. "Let's go."

Harold kept inaudibly mumbling and cursing under his breath as we all got into our cars. Before I got into mine I asked Lena to please not drive behind me.

She retaliated by saying, "As long as you don't lead us there."

When we got there Harold was still complaining about how he couldn't get a burger. We were all like 'Just shut up already and get a taco' but despite how annoying he could be, Harold is actually pretty cool. Everyone is. They're fun to talk to and hang out with. We all get along great. Even Mike and Harold. They forgot all about their stupid, almost fight and started to get along.

We were having a good time up until the manager came up to us and asked us to leave. We were talking and joking around, and the manager comes over and tells us we're 'causing a ruckus,' which we weren't. We weren't any louder than the group of guys at the other side of the restaurant. We just got kicked out because over half of us were wearing all black. Mike, Ashley, Sarah, and I he must have considered goth kids, and since Lena, Harold, and Amanda weren't wearing all black, but were talking to us, he must have considered them goth kids in disguise.

We were all finished or almost finished anyway, so we quickly ate the last few bites of our food then left. There was no use arguing with him. He'd probably call the cops on us.

The football team made up of jock guys on the other side of the restaurant started laughing at us when we left. I'd noticed out of my peripheral vision that they'd stopped talking when the manager came over to us and listened to what he said. I gave them the finger on the way out.

Once we got to the parking lot everyone said their goodbyes, but I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Lena yet. "Do you want to get some dessert?" I asked her.

"I'd like that." She smiled "There's this ice cream place not too far from my apartment. We could go there, get some ice cream, and eat it back at my place. What do you say?"

"Let's do it," I agreed eagerly.

Once we got the ice cream we went back to Lena's apartment and watched TV in her living room. Nothing really interesting was on though. We settled on watching some man try to survive in the Amazon alone. Idiot. After watching him try to cure his foot fungus by using the smoke from a burning termite's nest, the show went to a commercial. I personally find commercials boring, so I tried to strike up a conversation. "How did you know you were gay?" I asked as I put a large spoonful of ice cream in my mouth.

"When I was fifteen I ended up dating one of my bisexual friends. I realized I could have an emotional connection with women that I couldn't have with men." She took another bite of ice cream. "Girls will actually listen to you and be understanding and care. Half the time you can't have a serious relationship with a guy. All they're worried about is getting laid. Plus they're so immature. They goof off too much. I've dated guys before. None of them cared about me. They just thought I was hot," she explained, then continued eating her ice cream.

"Mm hmm," I agreed with my mouth full. I swallowed so I could say, "I completely agree with you. Even though I've never dated a guy."

"How did you know?"

I thought for a moment while savoring my ice cream. "I'm not sure … there wasn't a defining moment for me. I guess I just randomly realized one day when I was, I think, eleven that I didn't like boys and that I liked girls."

She nodded understandingly, then changed the subject. "Is that flavor any good? I've never had the cotton candy before."

"Yeah, it's delicious. Want a taste?" I asked as I put another bite in my mouth.

"Yeah, sure."

I went to dig out a spoonful for her, but before I could shovel it out her tongue was inside my mouth. My now melted ice cream was spread throughout both of our mouths. We kissed until the flavor was completely gone.

"Mm," she said. "That is good."

"The ice cream or my kissing?" I asked.

"Both. Do you want a taste of mine?"  
"Yes, please. I love cookie dough." She

put some of her ice cream in her mouth and we once again kissed until the flavor disappeared. "That's good."

"The ice cream or my kissing?"

"Both."

By now the show was back on, but we didn't necessarily care. She laid down with her head in my lap. "Do you believe in love at first sight?" She asked after a moment of us staring into each other's eyes.

I thought for a moment. "I'm not sure. I don't think you can look at a person and say 'I'm going to love them for the rest of my life.' So I guess I don't.

She ran a hand through my short brown locks. "I'm not sure if I do either, but there was a moment when I questioned that when I saw you. I may've only known you for a week, but I like how this feels so far. Us."

I couldn't help but smile. "I like this feeling too. I really like you." She smiled and continued to run her fingers through my hair.

Suddenly my phone rang. Lena sat up so I could answer it. I took my cell phone out of my back pocket and checked the caller I.D. It was my mom. I'd forgotten to tell her I was going to be out longer. "Hello," I answered it.

"Where are you Yulia," She asked obviously concerned.

"After Dr. Morty's thing we all went out to eat. I got distracted and forgot to call," I explained myself. "Sorry."

"All right. As soon as you and your friends get done eating come home okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be home soon," I promised.

"Bye, Sweetie." She calls me that all the time now. It's annoying.

"Bye, Mom." I hung up on her and put my phone back in my pocket. "I'm sorry, I have to go," I said to Lena.

"All right." She kissed me once more before I left. "Pick me up at 8:00 tomorrow?"

"You got it."


	8. Chapter 8

Ch. 8

When I got home I planned on going straight to my room to just chill out, but my mom stopped me before I even got to the staircase. She was on the couch watching TV. I tried to walk past her without her noticing me, but she did and, of course, she wanted to talk. Ever since 'the incident' she's tried a lot harder to get closer to me. She always wants to talk now. "Hey! You're home." She patted the couch cushion next to her. "Sit down." I couldn't think of an excuse not to, so I reluctantly sat down next to her. "So you made some friends during therapy?" she asked.

"Yeah," I answered. "They're cool."

"That's great! You're doing good." She's always checking up on how I was doing. She asks to see my arms every once in a while, and she's called Dr. Morty once to ask him how he thought I was doing. Sometimes she randomly asks me if I'm happy or if anything's bothering me. He wanting to talk to me was still awkward. We never really talked for the first seventeen years of my life. "So, how many friends have you made?"

"Six." Five actually since Lena was more than a friend, but I wasn't about to tell my mom that. "One of them goes to my school too, so when school starts back up I'll have a friend there." I was talking about Amanda. I was actually happy that I had a friend now who went to school with me. Maybe it wouldn't be as lonely any more. "She'll be a senior too."

"That's fantastic sweetie." She put her arms around me, and I awkwardly hugged her back. We never hugged much either. We're not a family that's always showing affection to one another. I was thankful when she pulled away a few seconds later. "Now let me see your arms," she commanded in a sudden change of topic. She never asks to check my legs or anywhere else. I'm pretty sure she thinks the only place people cut themselves is on their wrists. I mostly do cut my wrists though. The backs of my arms have some scars too, but I rarely cut anywhere else.

"Mom I haven't cut myself in more than two weeks," I promised as I rolled my sleeves up. I flipped my arms over to show her that I didn't have any scabs or open wounds on my arms. When she was satisfied I unrolled my sleeves and let them fall down my arms.

"I'm so proud of you." She wrapped me up in another hug. She let go after a few seconds. "Alright, you can go now. I'll stop pestering you."

Relieved, I climbed the stairs to get to my room. I plopped down on my bed. I fished my cell phone out of my pocket and put it in my bedside drawer. I set it down next to the empty space where my knife usually sat. My parents had taken it away after 'The Incident', which was understandable. What parent wouldn't? But still, I missed it.

I marched downstairs again and approached my mom, who was still watching TV on the couch. "Do you think I can have my knife back?" I didn't want it back so I could cut myself with it. I wanted it back because it's my most prized possession. It's my favorite birthday gift ever. My dad gave it to me when I turned twelve. It has an image of a wolf on it. He told me he picked that one because our last name's Volkova, which means wolf in Russian. He even got my name engraved on it. And, I guess, if you think about it, it's gotten me through the hard times. It's really special to me.

"I don't know, sweetie. We don't want you to use it again."

"I promise I won't use it to cut myself. It's not the only thing I could use anyway. There's so many things in this house I could use to cut myself, but I haven't used any of them because I'm not going to," I argued my point. "So, can I please have my knife back? You know I love it," I begged.

She sighed. "Go ask you father. He has it in his office."

I walked down the hall and knocked on the last door on the right. "Come in," He shouted. I walked in the room and closed the door behind me. "Oh, hey Yulia." He took off his reading glasses and laid them on his desk. "So, what's up?"

I got straight to the point. "Can I have my knife back?" I gave him the same speech I gave mom.

Looking convinced he unlocked one of the desk's drawers and pulled my knife out. "I'm going to give this back to you, but if you use it again, I'll have to take it back."

"Thanks Dad!" Incredibly ecstatic, I gave him a hug and took back my knife.


	9. Chapter 9

Ch. 9

The rest of the summer went by way too fast. Before I knew it, I was back at school for my senior year. I spent the last few days of my summer vacation dreading my return to Hell. Lena spent those few days trying to cheer me up, unsuccessfully. I tried to forget about school and enjoy my last few days of freedom, but it was always in the back of my mind.

The dreaded Wednesday morning (Why do we always have to go back to school in the middle of the week? Can't we start school on a Monday like usual?) started terribly. I got up fifteen minutes late because I was no longer used to forcing myself out of bed at 6:30 in the morning and had grown accustomed to ignoring the alarm clock every day when it went off. Then when I got downstairs I discovered that no one had made coffee. It upset me so much that I started to wonder if I was beginning to get addicted to the bitter brew.

Instead of starting a pot I figured it would be faster to pick something up at Starbucks and drink it on my way to school. The nearest Starbucks was only about ten minutes away from my house, and from there it was only about another ten minutes to my school. It was 7:22 now. School started at 8:00 I had enough time.

The line in the drive through at Starbucks was incredibly long. There was absolutely no way I could wait in that line and still get to school on time. I easily found a spot in the parking lot. There were always less people inside than there were waiting in the drive through. I had no idea why. I would rather enjoy my cup of coffee sitting in the coffee shop, but like everyone else, I suppose, I couldn't because I had somewhere to be.

I walked in, and, as I predicted, it wasn't very crowded. There were two elderly men seated at a table in the far left corner of the modernized coffee shop. The rest of the section to my left was empty aside from a man whose face was hidden behind a newspaper and whose Styrofoam cup disappeared, much like his face, when he went to take a sip from it. On the right side of me was a guy and a girl in paint covered overalls. Probably art students at the local college. There were only three people waiting in line behind the cash register.

I stepped up behind the last person in the queue. A man in a suit carrying a briefcase. I looked at the menu to prepare to order. I don't know why. It gets more confusing every time I look at it. I don't even think it's in English. I ended up choosing something that sounded familiar. A frapucino with whipped cream and caramel. By the time I had decided, I was at the front of the line. "I want the fr-" I stopped abruptly when I noticed who was working the counter. "Sarah?"

"Hey, Yulia."

"You work at Starbucks?" This was the last place I expected to see her.

"What tipped you off? The fact that I'm behind the counter, or this uniform?" She pointed at her outfit as she said it.

She was wearing the typical Starbucks uniform. The only thing that seemed odd to me was her name tag. It said 'Lucy.'

"You're name's Lucy?" I asked her confused.

She laughed. "No. They don't like to waste nametags, so they re-use the old ones," she explained. "Last week I was Kimberly, but then we hired someone whose name was actually Kimberly, so we traded."

"You'd think they have enough money to get new name tags," I commented. "They charge six bucks for a cup of coffee."

"Speaking of coffee," she said. "What do you want?"

I told her and within a couple of minutes it was in my hands, and I was out the door after I said goodbye to Sarah, of course.

I made it to school on time, and after satisfying my addiction in the parking lot I went in. I stood by the main doors for a few minutes to see if I could find Amanda. I thought, perhaps, she hadn't arrived yet. I don't know if she had or not, but I didn't see her come in, and I didn't see her wandering around either. When the first bell rang I gave up looking for her and went to class. Lo and behold, there was Amanda. "Hey Yulia,' She greeted when I got to first period.

"Hey," I said surprised. I hadn't expected to find her now. "I've been looking for you since I got here."

"Well, you found me."

I had found her, and I stayed with her for half the school day. We had three out of seven classes together, and I was with her during lunch and between half my classes. It seemed like I was with her more than now, and, frankly, it was annoying. She wouldn't shut up! For the first couple of classes I didn't mind it much. It was kind of nice having someone to talk to for a change, but by lunch when I realized that she wasn't going to stop talking for even five minutes to let me eat, I was tired of her. I tuned out most of what she said. I nodded every now and then to make her think I was listening, but really I was plotting ways to avoid her for the rest of the day. And when the bell rang to signal the end of lunch she complained about how she didn't get to finish her food. I had only seen her take a couple of bites. She was too busy talking. If she would've shut up she could've finished eating like my quiet self had.

The plans I made to avoid her didn't work very well. She followed me to my first class after lunch because she was busy telling me a story about how her dog got stuck in a fence. While I felt bad for the poor animal, I felt worse for myself. I did manage to dodge her on the way to the next class by taking the long route, but that only gave me five minutes of peace. She had that class too, and I'd managed to be tardy to it. Having three classes with her seemed like too many. Had I had that many with her last year? I only remember her being in my math class, and I barely remember that. Now, it seems hard to image, but she was quiet in that class. The only time she talked as when the teacher called on her. If only she was like that now.

I was so excited at the end of the day. Amanda and I said our goodbyes, and I watched in delight as her bus pulled away. My happiness made me realize then that I wasn't being a very nice person, but right then I didn't really care. I was just happy to have some peace and quiet.

When I got home the first thing I did was call Lena. It had occurred to me that practically

the only person I had talked to all day was Amanda. I needed to talk to someone that didn't annoy me which I had only done once today, and that was this morning with Sarah, and that seemed like a lifetime ago having suffered such a long day at school. Lena was the only person I could think of right now that I could get a hold of that fit into that category.

She sounded eager to talk to me too. "Hey! How was your first day?"

"Incredibly irksome."

"Why? Did you get a lot of mean teachers?"

"No. They seem fine. Now anyway," I added knowing that I had never gone through a whole year of school without ending up hating at least one of my teachers.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Amanda," I explained simply.

"Oh yeah, I remember you saying she goes to you school. What'd she do?"

"She talked, and then she talked, and then she talked some more. She gave me a headache," I complained. "And it wasn't just the talking. She was with me all day. I guess she didn't have anyone else to hang out with," I decided. "Not that I should be saying anything about that. I didn't either. She makes me miss not having friends. I know that makes me sound mean but…"

"Yeah," She agreed. "It kind of does."

"Thanks," I added sarcastically.

"You're not a bad person though. Not usually anyway."

I sighed. "I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell her to shut up, but I'm going to go insane if she doesn't."

"Maybe she was just nervous today because it was the first day of school. A lot of people talk when they're nervous."

"I hope so. I don't think I can survive one hundred and seventy-nine more days of it."

I did manage to survive another day of it though. It wasn't any different than the day before. Amanda once again annoyed the crap out of me. I wasn't able to throw Lena's theory completely out the window yet. It was still only the second day of school after all, but I had my own theory. I think she's talkative, and I can't stand it! Everyone has that one friend that they decided they don't really like, but they cling to you. I just had to figure out how to get rid of mine.

Luckily at lunch the next day Amanda said something that gave me an idea. "Do you know who Fred is?" She asked me.

"That annoying guy on YouTube who pretends he's a six-year-old?"

"No, but he's hilarious I love him. I can't believe he died. Can you actually die from falling out of a swing?" She rambled.

"I don't' know. Now back to Fred," I redirected.

"Oh, yeah," She said remembering she had been going to say something. "Fred Caesar from our economics class?"

"The tall guy with the bald head and the glasses?" I knew Fred from middle school. I'd once saved him from major embarrassment by punching this guy who had been planning to tell the whole class one of Fred's secrets. I'm no hero though. I had no idea the guy was going to do it. I had punched him because he was getting on my nerves. When Fred came up to me after class and thanked me. I was incredibly confused why he did until he told me about the secret the boy, Bobby something-or-other, was going to tell.

"Yeah."

"What about him."

"Really?" I guess Fred wasn't ugly, but I didn't think he was cute either. But then again, I'm a lesbian, so how would I know?

And then the idea struck me. If she had a boyfriend, she would spend more time with him and less time with me. If only I could get them together. "You should ask him out," I suggested eager to put my plan into action.

"I don't know if he likes me though." She sounded upset, like she knew he probably didn't.

"Do you want me to ask him for you?" I offered.

"Would you?" She gave me a pleading look.

I was more than happy to oblige. "Of course."

I happened to know that Fred had the same lunch as us, and I quickly located his table. He and his friends were seated together in the center of the cafeteria hidden among the crowd of people passing by, but by standing up I was able to find them. They were all laughing. I'm sure one of them had made some stupid joke that only the lowest of the male species would find funny. Fred seemed to run in the douchebag crowd. I walked over to their table and sat down in an empty chair next to Caesar himself. The laughter abruptly stopped when I did so. "Yulia?" Fred said confused.

"Fred," I stated. "You see that girl over there?" I pointed to Amanda who was still seated at our table drinking from her milk carton. She was looking in our direction, but turned quickly away when she saw me pointing at her.

"Amanda."

"Yeah. You should ask her to be your girlfriend."

"Why the fuck would I do that?"

It was clear he didn't like Amanda, but I wasn't going to give up and go tell her that. I lowered my voice so Fred's posse couldn't hear. "Because unless you want everyone to hear about Mr. Bearykins, you'll do it." Mr. Bearykins was the stuffed teddy bear Fred had apparently brought to school in his backpack everyday during middle school. And as far as I was aware, he was still doing it now as a senior in high school. I'd seen the bear passing by his locker once last year. I'd been so taken aback that he still had it with him that I took a picture of it on my phone. It made my day. I thought I still had the picture. Perfect. I even had evidence.

His face flushed. "Fine," He surrendered. "I can't believe you threatened to black mail me."

"Oh, don't think I won't," I assured him. "You're really going to do it?" I had to be sure he was going to, or else I really would blab his secret to everyone.

"Yes, I'll do it after I get done eating."

Satisfied, I was able to leave his table, and go back to mine. Only seconds after leaving Fred's though, I heard him remark to his friends, "Stupid bitch."

His words didn't hurt me. I needed him too much to be pissed off at him.

"What did he say? What did he say?" Amanda asked excitedly the second I sat down in my seat.

"He likes you," I lied.

"Yes!" She squealed. "I'm so happy!"

As promised, Fred approached our table in a few minutes. He sat down next to Amanda. There was plenty of room for him since there were only two people at our table, and they're designed to easily seat six people, though most tables are used by many more than that. "Hey, Amanda," He said in his best fake happy voice. It was very convincing, and I knew Amanda hadn't picked up on its falseness.

"Hey, Fred." She had the biggest smile on her face.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime."

She, of course, said she did.


	10. Chapter 10

Ch. 10

I felt like a total douche when I got home. I couldn't believe I just blackmailed a guy to go out with a girl who thinks I'm her friend. I've got to be the worst friend in the history of the universe. She'll probably find out I blackmailed him, and then she'll hate me. Then she'll completely avoid me. Which I guess is what I wanted, but I don't want to hurt her. She trusts me after all. And it's not like she has anyone else to turn to. If she finds out we'll both be alone and upset because then I'll feel even worse than I do now thinking about it.

I opened my drawer. The wolf's eyes stared at me. The was the first time in having it back that the knife had called to me. I reached in, but I grabbed my phone instead. I haven't cut since 'The Incident.' Two whole months! I wasn't about to start again now and throw away all my hard work.

Naturally, I called Lena. "Hello," She answered.

"I'm an asshole," I stated bluntly.

"Why? What'd you do?" Even though I've been bitching and complaining nonstop these last couple of weeks, she didn't sound too annoyed with it yet.

"I blackmailed a guy to go out with Amanda."

"Why?"

"Because she said she liked him, and I figured if she dated him she'd spend time with him and leave me alone. But he didn't like her back, so I blackmailed him."

"What happens if she finds out?"

"She thinks I'm an asshole like I do."

"Stop saying that. You're not an asshole."

There was a moment of silence. I wanted to be a nice person, I wanted to agree with her, but I didn't know if I could because I really thought I was. "I almost cut," I told her. "But I called you instead."

"Why didn't you?" She asked.

"I don't know. I guess because I want to stop."

"Why?"

How many questions is she going to ask today? I didn't even really know the answer to the last two. "I guess because my parents want me to stop."

"I'd never stop because someone else to me to," She stated matter-of-factly.

"Then why do you want to stop?" It was my turn to ask the questions now.

"I don't."

This I didn't know. "Then why are you in therapy?"

"My grandparents are paying for it. They told me I needed to go. I thought I might as well humor them. I didn't really want to waste their money either."

"Well that's just like what I'm doing isn't it? You're going to therapy because your grandparents want you to."

"Yeah, but you're not cutting to please someone. I'm going to therapy so I don't fell as guilty about wasting my grandparents money. It's different. Besides," She added on a lighter note. "I kind of like therapy now."

This was obviously because of me, or at least I hoped it was. "Well that makes me feel better. I got to go, ok?"

"Alright."

"Bye." I went to hang up.

"Yulia!" She called to get my attention, fearing I was about to hang up the phone prematurely which I was. When I was listening to her again she spoke more calmly. "You can cut if you want to."

I considered her words for a moment before saying, "Ok. Bye. I'll see you tomorrow." I did hang up this time. I put my phone up and shut the drawer. I didn't open it again that night.

At lunch on Monday I Was eager to see if my plan had worked. I figured if it had Amanda would sit with Fred. She sat with me, but I didn't mind too much. I was anxious to find out how it went with Fred. "How'd your date go?" I asked. They had made plans to go out over the weekend. Amanda told me about it after lunch.

"They were great. On Saturday we went to see a movie then on Sunday we went rollerblading."

"You guys went on two dates?" Fred didn't have to do that.

"Yeah. It was awesome. Did you go on a date with Lena?"

She knew about me and Lena? I didn't remember telling her. "How'd you know Lena was my girlfriend?"

"You guys sat next to each other and held hands during therapy Saturday."

"Oh." Duh she was t here. I should've know. "Um, yeah," I answered her question. "We went out to eat."

Amanda didn't get a chance to comment which I was sure she was bursting to do. Fred sat down next to her. He once again had the most convincing fake smile I've ever seen plastered on his face. It really was amazingly real. "Hey, do you want to come sit with me and the guys? He asked referring to his obnoxious friends.

Amanda turned her head to consult me. "Do you mind, Yulia?"

"No," I said. "It's ok." She spent the last half of lunch with Fred. My plan had worked after all. Now the only thing I had to worry about was making sure that Amanda never finds out the real reason why Fred asked her out.

Luckily, Fred and I got to economics before Amanda. I decided I'd show him the picture of Mr. Bearykins, so he had more incentive to keep going out with Amanda. "Fred," I called out across the room.

He came marching over to where I sat. "What do you want now?" He asked bitterly.

"I've got something to show you." I scrolled through my phone, and it wasn't before I found the picture of Mr. Bearkykins sticking his head out of Fred's backpack.

He got even more pissed off. "Delete it," He begged.

"No way." I wasn't going to fall for that one. There was no chance I'd delete my only evidence.

"Don't show anyone!"

"I'm not going to. As long as you keep going out with Amanda."

"I will! We're going to the Back to School Dance Friday night."

"Good boy," I praised. "Just make sure she doesn't find out I blackmailed you."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"What?"

Please tell me that wasn't who I think it was. I turned around quickly. "Amanda!" How long had she been standing there? I hope she didn't hear that.

"You blackmailed him so he would go out with me?" I guess she had.

Saved by the bell. The tardy bell rang and Mr. Weiss, the economics teacher, took control of the class. "All right everyone. Take your seats."

Fred followed the command and took his seat on the other side of the classroom. Far, far away from Amanda. I wasn't so lucky. My seat was right next to Amanda's. Fantastic.

"I am so sorry," I whispered to her.

"If he didn't me you should've just told me. Real friends don't lie, Yulia. If he didn't like me you're supposed to say that and then tell me that I deserve someone better than him anyways." She was almost as pissed as Fred. "Why did you blackmail him anyway? You don't think I can get a date unless the guy is forced into it?"

"No," I insisted. "I don't know why I did it." I wasn't going to tell her the truth. The truth hurts, and I didn't want to make this any worse than it already was. She's my only friend.

"Girls," Mr. Weiss interrupted. "Stop talking." He glared at us.

With that we were unable to talk for the rest of the class. After class, however, there was talking. Mostly between Amanda and Fred though. Amanda had set about trying to make things right with Fred. "I'm sorry," She apologized. "You don't have to go out with me anymore."

"No, no," He objected. "It's okay."

"No, it's not. I wouldn't want to date a guy who doesn't want to go out with me anyway."

As anyone would expect, she left the room very upset. I noticed Fred looked pretty upset too. I figured he thought I would tell everyone his secret since Amanda broke up with him. I had to try to set things straight here. I had messed so much up. The least I could do right now was assure Fred that his secret was safe with me. "You don't have to be upset, Fred. I won't tell anyone. I promise."

"That's not the problem," he said to my surprise. "I like her. I really like her. I didn't at first, but once I got to know her I really did."

I couldn't believe it. That was the last thing I expected to hear him say. "Well go get her," I encouraged. "Tell her that." If she knew Fred really liked her she'd be less upset, and since it would make her happier she possibly wouldn't be so mad at me. I had made it my mission to fix things now.

"Do you really think she'll take me back?"

"If you explain yourself."

He rushed out of the classroom, and I followed him. (I'm glad we got out of there before Mr. Weiss kicked us out. It'd already been a while since the rest of the class had filed out of the room, and he was starting to give us 'the look.')

It wasn't long before I caught up with him in the hall, and when I did he stopped to talk to me. "Will you please delete that picture?"

"Yes." I was done being mean to this guy.

"You promise?"

"Yes."

"Good. You know, you're not so bad. And any friend of Amanda is a friend of mine."

I wasn't really sure if Amanda and I were friends anymore, but I didn't have time to tell him that. He was determined to talk to Amanda before she got on the bus. He ran down the hall, his destination being her locker. This time I didn't follow him. Instead, I went to my locker and then went home.


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm so sorry! I actually kinda forgot about this for a little while. Hope this very eventful chapter makes up for it. SORRY**!

Ch. 11

I regretted it. As soon as I did it, I regretted it. I watched as the warm, sticky, crimson liquid squirted out of my leg. As soon as the beads broke the surface of the wound they were washed away by the streams of water running down my body, causing a red river to flow down the drain. I watched the river for a while and waited for it to turn back to its normal transparent color. When I stopped bleeding, I stood up and continued my shower.

It wasn't very deep or very wide, but it was a cut, and I wish I hadn't made it. I don't' know why I did. It made sense at the time, right before I did it, but now it just seemed . . . Stupid. That didn't' make sense to me though. I used to do it everyday. I used to rely on it to make it another day in this world. How could it possibly seem stupid now? I don't know, but it did.

I'd managed to not do it until the end of the school week. Amanda still wasn't talking to me even though she and Fred had made up and were even going to the dance tonight after the weekly Friday night football game that was happening right now at this moment. I could imagine them sitting close together on the bleachers cheering for the teenage boys on the field tackling each other for fun. Me, I was getting ready to go to Lena's. I've already told my mom I'm staying the night, and she gave me her permission to go. I would've went even if she hadn't said I could which she would most definitely do if she knew Lena and I were a couple. But she didn't know, and she actually thought it would be good for me to stay with a friend. If only she knew . . .

I got there a little after 8:00. I hadn't seen Lena in almost a week. I'd only talked to her on the phone, so needless to say I was very happy to see her. I forgot all about my stupidity in the shower and greeted her with a big kiss.

"I'm so excited!" She exclaimed. "I rented all the Saws one through six from the video store." she picked up the collector's edition set of the horror DVDs that lay on the coffee table to show me. "We're having an all night Saw marathon."

"Awesome!" I was excited too. We both had a love of the sick, life-lesson teaching series.

"I'll put the first one in, you go make the popcorn."

I reported to the kitchen for popcorn duty. I found some in one of the cabinets, but she had two different kinds. "Do you want butter-flavored or cheese-flavored?" I shouted to the living room, so she could hear me.

"You pick," she shouted back.

I grabbed the box that read 'extra butter'. I'm not a big fan of the cheese-flavored kind myself. I ripped off the plastic of one of the packages then stuck it in the microwave. I grabbed a large bowl out of another cabinet then sat on the counter for the three minutes listening to the _pop pop pop _of the cornels and watching the bag slowly inflate and spin around in circles. I pulled the still popping, scorching hot bag out by its corners when the incessant, obnoxious beeping of Lena's microwave went off to alert me that our snack was done. I hated her microwave. It's the loudest one I've ever heard, and it beeps about five more times than necessary. I split the bag open by pulling on the opposite corners careful not to burn myself on the steam coming out of it and emptied the warm, fluffy popcorn into the bowl. I took the food into the living room just in time. Lena was just about to press play.

While I love Saw, watching the movies weren't helping me forget my problems with Amanda. I'd completely forgotten that there was a character named Amanda in the first three. Watching them didn't help my trying to forget about my cutting episode earlier either. In the second and third ones Amanda cuts herself. It revived my feelings of disappointment that Lena had made vanish. But even though I was still disappointed with myself for giving in to the temptation and breaking my record of not cutting, I no longer thought that it was a stupid thing to do. Similar to what I wondered only an hour beforehand, I now wondered how it was possible to think something stupid one hour then have a strong impulse to do it an hour later. Why couldn't I make up my mind over whether or not it was bad to do it?

Lena apparently had the same impulse that I had when Amanda cut her wrists with a razor because she asked me, "Doesn't it just make you want to cut?"

"Yeah," I admitted.

"So, are you still not cutting?"

"Yeah," I said then stopped myself. "Well, kind of. I'm trying not to, but I did earlier."

She took my arm and rolled up the sleeve covering it looking for the cut.

"It's on my leg," I informed her.

She let go of my arm and instead of rolling up my sleeve rolled up my pant leg. When she found the cut she ran her first two fingers over it. The action reminded me of my mother. She had done the same thing almost everyday for a week after The Incident to the cuts I had made on my wrists. When Lena was done examining the fresh wound she rolled down my pants leg.

"What was the point of that?" I asked. It seemed so pointless to just look at it for two seconds and then not even say anything about it. I didn't even understand why she had started to search for it at all.

"I don't know." Apparently she didn't even know the answers to those questions.

"My mom does the same thing," I told her for an unknown reason. Her actions were just so similar, I couldn't help but say something about them.

"Because we want to know where you cut."

"Who cares?"

"Me," She said simply.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I care about you."

"Now you even sound like my mom," I joked. She didn't get it.

"Would you rather I not give a shit about you?"

"No." Truth was I'd probably try to kill myself again if she ever said that to me. Only I'd make sure my attempt didn't fail. She's more important to me than Svetlana ever was. I'd have to kill myself if Lena left me. I wouldn't be able to find anyone better than her.

"Exactly," She proved her point. "But you won't have to worry about that because I'd never say it."

"Well, I'd never say it to you either."

She took my face in her hands and kissed me. We made out on the couch for a while, and before I knew it we were headed for her bedroom. Her shirt was off before we even got to the bed. Mine soon followed. I gently laid her down on the bed and began kissing her neck. I slowly worked my way down to her chest. I reached behind her and undid her bra clasp. I pulled it off and tossed it on the ground where our shirts lay. She had no need to take off mine because I wasn't wearing one. I hadn't bothered to put one on after my shower. We began to passionately kiss and fondle each other. My hands eventually traveled down her bare stomach until I reached the hem of her pants. I unhooked the button and unzipped the zipper of them. She arched her back, so I could pull them down. She helped kicked them off from around her ankles, and they too ended up on the floor. I pinned her arms and kissed her, then…

"Stop!" She shouted.

"What's wrong?" I asked urgently. I let go of her arms and stopped straddling her.

She got off the bed and started hyperventilating.

"What's wrong?" I repeated. She was scaring me, and I had no idea what I had done. She shook her head and tried to get her breathing under control. I hugged her from behind. "Breathe. Breathe," I coached. I kept hugging her until her breathing was back to normal. "What's wrong?" I asked much more calmly this time.

"Nothing," She said unconvincingly.

"You can tell me. You can tell me anything." I wanted to know why she was freaking out.

"It's nothing," She insisted.

"Come on," I persisted. "I'm sorry. Just tell me. What did I do?"

"It wasn't you."

This time I could tell she was telling the truth. While I was happy her panic attack wasn't caused by something I had done I still wanted to know what was wrong with her. "Then what's the matter?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Her voice was quivering. "Please, don't make me." Tears started streaming down her face.

There was so much pain in her voice. I didn't ask her again. I wiped away her tears with my fingers and brought her back to the bed. We didn't say anything else. I held her in my arms while we laid down. It wasn't long before she fell asleep, but unlike her I couldn't fall asleep right away. I was thinking about too much, but for once it wasn't about Amanda. I was thinking about what had just happened, whatever it was. I didn't know. I had no clue why she freaked out. I wish she would've just told me. Maybe I could've helped. I fell asleep worried and upset.

When I woke up Lena was no longer in my arms, and her head wasn't resting on my bare chest. Slightly panicked, I looked around her room. I didn't' see her, but I did hear water running in the bathroom. I relaxed and picked up my shirt from the night before and put it on. I went to the kitchen to make breakfast, so it would be ready for Lena when she got out of the shower. I didn't want to burden her with having to help make it. I found a carton of eggs in the fridge and fried us up a couple in a skillet I found, and I made toast to go along with it. In the middle of making it Lena emerged from the bathroom. We told each other good morning, and I asked her if she would take over cooking for a second, so I could use the bathroom even though I had been trying to prevent her from doing just that, so she could relax a little. She said she would and she didn't seem to mind doing so. I quickly did my business and brushed my hair. Luckily, I didn't have too serious a case of bed hair. When I returned to the kitchen breakfast was already set out on the table. I sat down and began to dig in. I popped the yellow blob of my egg and the yolk's liquid began to flood the white of my egg. I looked across the table at Lena. Her hair was still wet from her shower, and it had straightened out some because of it. It was still slightly curly, but it was the straightest I had ever seen it. Her hair wasn't the only thing new I noticed about her. There were four skinny, red lines on her left arm. They hadn't been there last night, but that didn't make them the only new ones, just the newest. Last night I had noticed some cuts on her legs and thighs. Not just scars but cuts, actual scabbed over wounds. It occurred to me that our ranking system in group was way off. We hadn't accounted for scars that were in places that we couldn't show.

We ate breakfast mostly in silence. We made small talk, but that was it. Neither of us mentioned last night.


	12. Chapter 12

**The second to last chapter guys!**

Ch. 12

My friendship with Amanda was over. I was pretty sure of it. It's been almost a month, and she still hasn't spoken to me. It was almost October, and by now I had other things on my mind besides Amanda. Lena's birthday was coming up soon, and lately I'd been thinking about what to get her. I'd spent days thinking about it, but I couldn't' come up with a single thing. I new it might be a bad idea, but I decided to ask her what she wanted.

"Don't get me anything. I don't' like to make a big deal out of my birthday. It's just a day like any other."

"No, it's not. It's your birthday," I argued. "It's your day. It's special."

"It's not that special."

"It is to me. If that day hadn't happened I would be very sad."

"Yeah, well, you're the only one."

I wish she hadn't said that. And the way she said it was worse, like she really believed it. "That's not true. What about your grandparents?" I tried to convince her.

"They don't care that much."

"But they're paying for your therapy. Dr. Morty's not cheap. They have to love you if they're willing to pay that much to help you."

"I haven't even seen them in forever," she pointed out. "Not that I really want to."

"Why not?"

"I'm not big on family."

I knew virtually nothing about Lena's family or her past. All I knew was that she had grandparents who lived in town and paid for her therapy. It struck me just how little I knew when I thought of it. I didn't push her to tell me anymore though. I figured she'd reveal more to me when she wanted to. The way she didn't talk about her family told me her past probably wasn't too good.

I didn't know it then, but she was going to tell me the most important thing about her past and her family very soon.

It was the day before her nineteenth birthday. I was again over at her apartment. She was trying to guess what I had gotten her as a present. The day before I'd gone to the jewelry store and purchased a necklace with a heart made of small diamonds. It was inexpensive. (For me anyway.) I knew she wouldn't want me to spend a lot on a gift, she didn't want me to spend anything on a gift. She lightly scolded me for getting her anything in the first place, but I assured her that it hadn't cost me much. She eventually got over it and began to inaccurately guess what it was. She wasn't even close which was surprising. Jewelry's one of the most common gifts people give their lover. How she didn't guess it on the first try, I didn't know. Maybe she would've got to it eventually, but she didn't get the chance.

The phone interrupted our little guessing game. She let it ring thinking if it was anyone important they would leave a message, and she could pick it up or get back to them later. I kept telling her caller ID would be a good investment, and she finally listened to me. She didn't recognize the number though, and the identification just told her the call was from a cell phone. They did leave a message. We could hear the answering machine since it was right next to us on a table next to the couch. It was an older man, probably in his forties, with a deep but welcoming voice. "Lena, dear."

Lena obviously recognized the man's voice immediately. I could tell by the look on her face. Sheer terror.

The man continued talking. "It's your father." Lena was frozen with fear and perhaps shock too. She kept her eyes focused on the answering machine as if she could hear her father's voice better if she was looking at where it was coming from. "Your mother and I are flying out there this weekend for your birthday. Katya's coming too-" Lena emerged from her block of ice, unplugged the phone from the wall, and chucked it across the room. It hit the wall. Plastic and electronic parts scattered across the carpet.

I immediately did what I did a few nights ago and asked her what was wrong.

This time she talked. "He knows where I live, Yuls." She was hysteric again, and she was crying.

"Why is that bad? It's just your dad."

She gave me a dirty look. One that said 'how could you say that?' At first I didn't understand why she gave me that look. I hadn't said anything, had I? The reason behind why she had was cleared up by what she said next. "He raped me."

It all made sense now. That's why she cuts herself. That's why she's in therapy. I found out even more answers when she started to explain her story of exactly what had happened to her.

"He's not supposed to know where I live. I moved to the east coast from California, so he wouldn't be able to find me. I started saving up money from the time I was fifteen. I wish I could've taken my little sister, Katya, too, but I didn't have enough money. Oh God, he's probably doing it to her now. I see my mom still doesn't have a clue. I can't believe she's still with him. I told her about it once, but she didn't listen. Katya told her too, but she just won't listen." I let her cry on my shoulder for a while. "I don't' know how he knows where I live. I never told him where I was going. My grandparents probably told him. That's probably where he got my phone number from. It's not listed for that reason. God, why didn't I tell them what he did?" She cried more. I couldn't think of anything to say. I hugged her and didn't let go. "I'm sorry," she apologized.

"It'll be alright," I soothed.

"No. I meant about last night. I remembered my dad. He used to pin me down. I just . . . I'm sorry."

She had no reason to apologize. I wasn't mad at her in the first place. I almost told her this, but somehow I thought she already knew it.

"What am I going to do, Yuls. I can't see him. I can't."

"Come stay at my house this weekend," I offered. "He won't be able to find you there."

"You don't understand, Yuls. He'd track me down. I'm sure he has been all this time. I'd have to go home eventually, and he knows where I live now. My grandparents probably gave him my exact address."

I understood her dilemma, but I still wanted her to come home with me this weekend. I wanted to protect her from him at least for a short while. "But you can stay with me this weekend, so he doesn't find you. He also has to go home eventually. We could figure out what to do after that."

"Alright," She agreed. "I'll call my grandparents and tell them I'm going out of town for the weekend. My parents wouldn't have flown down here yet. Maybe if they tell them that I'm not going to be here they won't come at all."

I guess she was eager to set her plan into action. "Can I borrow your phone?"

I gave it to her.

She dialed the number she wanted and when the other line picked up she answered with, "Hey, Granny."

I could hear the buzz of her grandmother's voice through the phone, but I couldn't quite make out what she was saying.

"Listen, can you tell Mom and Dad that I'm not going to be here this weekend?" Her grandmother talked once more. "No, I'm going out of town. I'm sorry. I made these plans long before I knew they were coming. I can't get out of them. Tell them I'm sorry, ok? Alright. Thanks I love you too." She handed me back my phone. "She said that she'd call them."

"That's good."

Lena called her grandma back about an hour later. She didn't know if she had called her parents yet, but it wasn't like her grandma could notify her if she had, her phone was busted. This time the voice that answered the phone sounded male. Her grandpa. Again I couldn't quite hear what was being said by him. "Hey Grandpa. Did grandma call Mom? Put her on. Yeah, my phone's busted. I'm using my friends. Did you call them? Good. Well that's good, I'm glad they didn't wasted the money. Thanks Granny. Love you."

She let out a sigh of relief and handed me my phone once again. "They hadn't even bought the plane tickets yet. She said that they said that they wouldn't come this weekend, but they said that they would come some other time. I'll have to move again. Soon."

"Well at least you can relax for now. You don't have to worry about seeing him."

"Yeah. Thank God."

"So, are you still going to stay at my place?" I was still hoping she would even if she didn't need to.

"No, I think I'll be okay here. I might go apartment hunting this weekend."

"Do you really have to leave so soon?"

"Yes, I want t get out of here before they find me. But don't worry, I'll move somewhere close by, so we can still see each other. Maybe just the next town over or something. I might even be able to stay here. As long as I just move to a different place and my grandparents don't find out about it and tell my dad where I am I'll be okay."

My relief was very visible. I was overwhelmed with joy. When she said she was going to move I half expected it was going to be an incredibly dramatic move like her first one, and I was worried I was never going to see her again. I kissed her, partly out of relief and partly to show her that it was all going to be okay. She wasn't crying anymore, but she was still obviously upset. I told her everything was going to be okay, and I was pretty convinced that it would be.


	13. Chapter 13

**Here we are at the very last chapter of Am I Truly Lucky! You guys were all amazing with your comments. I'm so glad you liked it. :D**

**Chapter 13**

The incessant beeping of my alarm clock woke me up. I reached over groggily and hit the snooze button. Then I remembered what day it was, October 4th, Lena's birthday! I immediately shot up, fully awake from an adrenaline rush. I got my cell phone from my drawer and dialed her number.

I was prepared to shout 'Happy birthday!' as soon as she answered the phone, but she didn't answer the phone A man did. A man with a deep but welcoming voice. "Who's this?" I asked even though I knew exactly who it was.

"I'm Lena's dad."

Why did this bastard answer the phone? He shouldn't even be here. God, I wanted to stab him right now. If I could've through the phone line I would've done it with my very own knife.

"Where is she?" I asked furiously out of fear he did something to her.

He sighed. "There's been . . . An accident."

Accident my ass. "What happened."

"I'm not sure if I should tell you. I don't even know who you are."

"I'm her girlfriend," I said. "What happened? Is she okay?"

"Her girl friend?" He said stupidly thinking I had meant a girl who was a friend. "Well I guess it would be best to tell one of her friends."

He was so polite. If I didn't know better, I'd never think this guy was a rapist/child molester.

He took a deep breath. "Well," he began. He stopped and took another deep breath.

"Just tell me, please." God, if he did anything to her . . .

He took one last breath and told me, "She tried to kill herself."

WHAT? I was almost relieved he hadn't done anything to her, but this new threat banished all hope of relief.

"Is she okay?" Of course, I knew she wasn't okay, but he had said she had tried to kill herself. Tried meaning attempted hopefully not succeeded.

"She's in the hospital. She will be."

"Blueview Hospital?" I prodded.

"Yes."

I hung up on him and raced to my car still clothed in my pajamas. I started the car up not caring if my parents could hear it and thought that I was trying to sneak out of the house without permission. I might've told them where I was going if they hadn't been asleep. It didn't matter. I wouldn't get in trouble anyway. Once they went to work and realized that I was at the hospital and why I was there they wouldn't be angry. I took off down the street going sixty in only three seconds. I didn't care if I got a speeding ticket either. I needed to see Lena.

Going this speed I reached the hospital in only five minutes instead of the normal ten. I parked in the handicapped parking space, jumped out of the car and ran inside the hospital. The lady at the receptionist's desk eyed me as I ran up to her at full speed in my pajamas. She either thought there was some sort of terrible accident, I was injured, and needed assistance immediately or she thought I was crazy.

"I need to know which room Lena Katina is staying in."

"How do you spell that?" The woman obviously had no knowledge of foreign names.

"K-A-T-I-N-A."

She typed in the name on her computer and squinted her eyes at the screen. "Elena?"

"Yes." Did I not mention Lena's name when I first asked her?

"She's in room 555 on the fifth floor."

I didn't take the time to thank her for her help. I immediately ran to the elevator. Of course with my luck the elevator that came for me was packed. I called on a different one. This one was empty. I pressed the button for the fifth floor and stared at the blue light radiating from behind it as I tapped my foot and waited for the doors to open again. When they did the first thing I saw was a big sign that announced that I was as I had suspected on the psych ward.

Lena's room wasn't far from the elevator and it didn't take me long to find it. Her parents were in there and before I even stepped foot in the room I started cussing them out. There were a couple of nurses in there with them who tried to hold me back which I wasn't happy about because all I wanted to do was kill Lena's father in the most brutal way possible. But I was glad they were in there. I was yelling at him for the things he did to Lena and the nurses can't ignore rape accusations even if they're coming from a seemingly psychotic person in their pajamas.

I hadn't even noticed at first that Lena was asleep. It hadn't occurred to me that she might not have woken up yet. But she didn't stay asleep for long, I woke her up with my outburst. She had another one of her anxiety attacks before she even saw her father. I didn't blame her. She had no idea what was going on and expected that she would be in heaven (or Hell) by now. I hadn't freaked when I woke up but I didn't have a history of panic attacks, and I didn't wake up to someone yelling.

She looked around the room completely confused, saw her father, and her anxiety increased tenfold.

One of the two nurses holding me back rushed over to help Lena. The other stayed with me. Then one of the doctors came in, no doubt the result of my screaming. I stopped yelling for the moment. The last thing I wanted was to be dragged out by security.

"What's the problem here?" He asked.

Still angry, I couldn't help but yell again when I tried to speak. "The problem is that you let this asshole in here!" I screamed while pointing at Mr. Katin.

"He's her father," the doctor reasoned. His voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't remember where I had heard it before.

"But he raped her! He's the reason she's here in the first place!"

He looked over at Mr. Katin. "Sir, I'll have to talk to you and your daughter separately about this. These are very serious accusations. IT'd be best if you went out in the hallway." HE addressed Mrs. Katina as well, "You should probably go with him ma'am."

They followed the doctor's suggestion and stepped out onto the tiled, linoleum floor of the psych ward hallway. I thought Mr. Katin might try to escape, but there was no way he could. There were too many people around to see him, and the action would've looked suspicious considering the charges. I was glad he would be trapped out there until someone told him otherwise.

The momentary absence of her father calmed Lena down greatly. I stopped my tirade and went to help the nurses comfort her, as did Katja and the doctor.

Katja's a mini version of Lena. It's amazing how similar they look. They have the same mane of fiery red hair, the same sparkling emerald green eyes, and tons of freckles. They get their looks from their mom. The three of them look like triplets.

The first thing Lena said after she calmed down was addressed to the doctor. "You don't believe her do you?"

"It would account for your depression, and it could account for your most recent psychotic episode, but that could also be caused by the realization of your failed suicide attempt."

"But you don't think she's telling the truth. That's not how you handle rapists. You don't just send them out to the hall like they're in timeout. There should be cops and an investigation."

"Maybe he did rape you," the doctor replied neutrally. "But I was talking to your parents earlier, and they said they haven't seen you in over a year. There wouldn't be any evidence."

I didn't care if there was evidence or not. I was determined to let the world know that Sergei Katin was a rapist/child molester. I just had to think of a way to expose him.

"There's evidence," Katja spoke up. "There might not be evidence that he raped Lena, but there has to be evidence that he raped me."

Lena's worst fears were confirmed. "I'm sorry," She apologized to her sister.

"Would you be subject to a rape kit?" The doctor asked before Katja could respond to Lena's comment. Katja nodded. "You do understand that these are serious charges? If you're lying . . ."

"Why would we lie?" Lena questioned.

"Okay then, we'll call the police and get the rape kit set up."

Someone must've told the elder Katins not to come back in because the next people we saw were the police. They arrived about twenty minutes after the familiar doctor made the phone call to the police station which we saw him do to assure that he was going to do something about the situation. There were two men who came in and introduced themselves to us. They didn't' stay long. They left the room soon, probably to Sergei. There was a woman with them who stayed with us. She talked to Katja about the rape kit then took her to see the doctor who would be doing it.

The rape kit didn't take very long, and Katja was back in Lena's room with us before long. But it wasn't long before she was taken out again. It was one of the two police men from before, the older one with black hair and a mustache to be specific. He told her he'd have to take her downtown for her statement. Lena couldn't go with her even though she'd have to give her statement also because she wasn't allowed to be released from the hospital for another seventy-two hours for psych evaluation. She'd have to wait until after then to give her statement.

That wasn't much of a problem though. We had to wait a few days for the results of the rape kit to come back anyway. We couldn't do anything until them. Their dad was allowed to go home free because they didn't have any evidence against him yet. The cops told us that he couldn't be arrested yet and there was good chance he never would be. The doctor who did the rape kit told us that there was a good chance no evidence would be found from Katja's rape kit because she'd showered and changed clothes since the last time it happened. This doctor believed us though. She said that she hoped they would find something.

They didn't. But with both Katja's and Lena's statements the police were able to raid the Katin's house in California. To our relief they did find evidence there, a pair of Katja's panties with her dad's semen still on them. They also found traces of her dad's semen on her bed sheets. With that the district attorney was confident enough to take the case to court. The evidence found, along with Lena's and Katja's statements were more than enough to get him convicted. The defense didn't stand a chance. Especially not with Lena's history of mental disorders and suicide attempts caused by her dad. He was sentenced to a minimum of twenty-five years in prison.

Lena was unable to forgive her mom for not believing them, but Katja was. When the trial was over she was genuinely sorry. She apologized a million times over, but Lena just couldn't forgive her. Neither could Lena's grandparent, Inessa's own parents. They lost all communication with her. They couldn't believe that she wouldn't believe her daughters' accusations. They said no kid would make them up, and I agree with them. They were upset she let them be around their father and that she stayed with him.

Of course she didn't stay with him after the trial. Even she wouldn't continue to be married to an acquitted rapist.

Lena needed more help than she was getting. That was obvious. Her grandparents paid for her to stay in a mental institution nearby. I visited her every week that she was there during visiting hours. She was there for a while. I graduated before she got out. She did get better though. We both did Maybe she wasn't' completely recovered, but I don't' think anyone could be after what she went through.

I went to the local college, so that I could stay here and be with Lena. (My grades weren't that good anyway. With the whole situation I didn't really have a lot of time to focus on school. I'm surprised I got in where I did.) When she got out we moved into an apartment together. She got a job, and I continued going to school.

My parents had always wanted me to be a doctor. Growing up I didn't want to be one, but once I got into college, I discovered that I loved medicine. I became a surgeon and worked at Blue View alongside my parents which was pretty awkward, but I loved my job. And I loved my wife. (Even if she wasn't legally my 'wife'.)

I may have had the same occupation as my parents, but I didn't become exactly like them. For example my being a surgeon didn't screw up my daughter's life like my parents being surgeons did. Once Lena gave birth she stayed home with little Yulena full time. Yulena always had someone there with her unlike me. I spent every moment I could with her which didn't add up to much, but it was enough. It was something.

My being a surgeon didn't screw up my relationship with Lena either. Even with my long work hours, I never neglected her or our relationship. I always found the time to keep the romance alive between the two of us, me and the woman I would love for the rest of my life.

I was very lucky.

_THE END_

**I hope you all don't hate me for ending it like that. :0**


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